So, I'm grilling the pork short ribs for dinner, boiling the potatoes for the potato salad, and leaning over the stove top, rearranging the spice cabinet, when I realize that something smells like it's burning, and something too close to my jock was warming up quick-fast. I look down and at a glance see what looks a hell of alot like my balls on fire, so I do what anyone else would do in that situation, I guess... I go to pounding the fire out. Now, when you see the picture below, the burn is on the side of my shirt, but the way I was turned when the action went down- let's just say, it was good to have the fire out, bad to have the balls racked when you're not playing 8-ball...
I immediately walk, (or limp, rather) from the kitchen to the office, where my wife is, to show her what a dumbass I was for catching myself on fire when *ding-dong!*, the doorbell rings.
I walk to the front door and see my friend,
Casey Cainan (wild animal trainer) standing at the door with a 5-month-old lioness cub, and with wide eyes that had to be like silver dollars, I ask him, "Is it cool to have this cat in here with my new puppy?"
"Sure", he says with an unworried cool shrug, one I guess only a professional animal trainer can have.
"Can I take a picture of you with her?", I ask, as we're making our way into the living room.
"No. I was gonna let
you hold her while I take
your picture!", he says.
Well, hot-damn!
We walk in, I sit down on the sofa, the wife grabs the camera, and he sets this cat in my lap for the photo-op. I see my little dog sitting in the floor looking up at the kitty, when Casey goes to grab her up to pet her. The poor little bitch must have smelled that wild animal on him, and thought that she was done for, so she lets out this scream that I've never heard a dog make in my life, and then sprays my buddy with a fine golden shower of puppy piss. Yep, all this action literally scared the piss out of her, and I'm sorry that my buddy was on the blunt end of it.
But thanks to Casey, I'll have this funny memory for the rest of my life... not too many people can say they've caught themselves on fire, watched their dog piss on a friend, and then had a lion sit w/them on their sofa.
What an exciting 15 minutes at Rancho Relaxo this evening!
Very surreal - you just can't make shit like this up...
My 2nd favorite scrub top died in the line of cooking duty.
Fock.
Casey and Alisa
Sitting with Hillary...
Poised for the attack...
This is about 1 minute into sitting down with this cat and I'm steady having quick mental flashes of her turning around and opening an industrial-sized can of whoop-ass on my rib cage, then diving fangs-first into my fresh bloody guts for dinner. Now I'm no rocket-surgery expert, but I am smart enough to respect the fact that this little girl could easily get medieval on my ass, and things could turn really ugly... really fast! Notice the look of concern.
As those feelings of concern turn to wonder and child-like joy, it appears that the strong urge for females to step on my testicles even crosses the species barrier into the lion kingdom... as you can see, this makes the Laney super-happy!
